I’m back, with the second part of my little holiday catch-up series. Starting back up with the beginning of December. The December/January period happens to be the national Nicaraguan school break, kind of their version of a summer break if you will. This means that school-focused volunteers such as myself have a little more free time in these months. That being said, early December wasn’t ultra exciting. Mostly it was spent slaving away on year end reports. By slaving away I clearly mean staring at a blank screen in a variety of lovely locations, while willing, and I mean really willing those reports to finish themselves, until doing them all on the last day possible. I did manage to have some fun though. Here are some interesting
Highlights:
-One rando night my house was totally empty (normally we’re around 8 deep, it’s a big house) except me and my host mom, Sonia. I had a long day and was planning on just settling down with some Mad Men when she invited me for a nightcap around 9:30. Next thing I know it’s well after midnight and me, Sonia, and some random neighbor are liters deep in rum dancing to Michael Jackson and Tiffany videos whilst dipping bread into a stick of butter.
-The few people who decorate here chose to do so in the big bulb flashing light style, modeled after your local trailer park if you care to visualize. I admit it, I kind of missed the American Christmas experience. Is it so bad that all year long I crave those 2 months of commercial, music, and decoration overload. Doing without really just makes me forgive and forget the annual screwing over of Thanksgiving, the awful traffic, and the horrible carnival of trying to buy gifts for people when they really just want cash.
-The big pre-Christmas celebrations here are the Purisimas, celebrations for the “Virgin” (is it offensive to put the virgin in “”…oh well) Mary. I wasn’t aware Mary had her very own celebration, though I suppose if a virgin had to go through the drug free birthing of Jesus, she damn well deserves something. Here, that celebration involves obscenely loud late night music, fire hazards, and wax effigies being driven around in trucks. It’s every virgin mother’s dream come true.
A scene during the Purisima. Yes it appears more like a disaster is occuring.
But enough about boring old early December, late December was where it was at. Before I knew it, vacation time had arrived. I’ll admit I was pretty nervous about making the trip. I had to travel alone from San Carlos, Nicaragua to meet my parents in Liberia, Costa Rica. I was also making this journey on a strangers 3 year old directions. It was also kind of exciting though. The river/border crossing boat at the start was typically Nicaraguan glamorous. Two benches on each side, with all your stuff in your lap. Halfway through, the conductor/child (he looked 15) made everyone put on their life-jackets…how comforting. I had to rip that jacket off pretty fast too, since we pulled up in Costa Rica at 12 when I had a 12:15 bus to make in an as yet undiscovered bus station. Apparently, you can get through Costa Rican customs in 10 minutes when you are a total rude asshole who shoves some people out of the way and yells at everyone else to hurry their shit up. Unfortunately, you cannot run across the city of Los Chiles, Costa Rica to the bus station in less than five minutes. I tested this theory, so you don't have to.
So busless and recently friendless I was stuck in a layover of sorts for over 4 hours. Next stop….Upala?!? In reality, a pretty ugly town, even by Nicaraguan standards, especially when you show up after 7 at night. Luckily there was a cuteish inn of sorts where I could rest without fear of rape whilst watching Watchmen until I fell asleep (side note: Watchmen isn’t a good movie to watch whilst trying to fall asleep). Early the next morning I left on my bus to Liberia. I just need to point out too that buses in Costa Rica are of the tour bus variety, in comparison to the Nicaraguan school buses. That shit makes a difference on a multi-hour journey. Next thing I knew I was at the Liberia International Airport, you might not have realized it exists, that’s because it’s basically one big hanger and a single tiny restaurant. Review: 1 ½ stars, overpriced and stale. Not recommended in case you find yourself there. I also had to wait there an extra hour since they were de-icing the plane I was awaiting, seemingly unfathomable as I was being baked through in 90 degrees.
Finally, the plane arrived and the Bayless clan was reunited at long last! We were whisked away in a private van to our beach-front condo. With pool! And hot tub!(though it took like 3 days to learn how to make it hot. What we Bayli lack in intuition and common sense we more than make for with our unwillingness to accept defeat.) Thus commenced over a week of sun and sand. I’m not sure I’ve ever eaten so much in my life. I made cheese an ingredient of everything and pool side cocktails were a must for everyone. One of the most relaxing vacations ever!
A few interesting treats:
-Early on we went to this castle-themed restaurant/bar for karaoke night, which after a few cocktails practically turned into the Bayless family variety hour featuring a few other special guests. Seriously, there were maybe 6 people rotating in and we were three of them (mother was persuaded away from participating, though the youtube possibilities there would have been limitless). Father gave a few classy renditions, while Katy and I performed two numbers as a brother-sister act that was maybe too much for a tiny venue to handle. The one-two punch of Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas and Miley Cyrus’s Party in the USA, might seem unmanageable for most young performers…it was (you’re probably thinking that Miley Cyrus is out of no one’s range, but I would beg to differ). While few were impressed by our technical prowess, I’m pretty sure we bowled them over with our combo of spunk and pure stage presence. One other performer literally went “Please don’t leave”, but after putting our hands up and moving our hips like yeah, we decided it was time to bow out and give other stars a chance to shine.
- One day we all participated in a full day adventure at one of the local volcanoes. First up was horseback riding. Sounds glamorous, but my horse was slow and liked to run into other people’s horses. At one point my whole family was so far ahead I couldn’t even see them and I was stuck with strangers. It was then that I decided to secretly name my horse pancakes and tried in vain whispering sweet nothings into his ear to get him to catch-up. No luck, and I quickly decided to just give up. Luckily, other family members decided to slow down, possibly thinking my horse had died, which, maybe it did. Next up was the hot springs and mud bathes. Relaxing, though a few of the hot springs literally felt like they were boiling you alive. After being properly exfoliated, we were shuttled over to the water slide. It is apparently the longest water slide in Costa Rica. You could pick how fast you wanted to go(the operator opened a gate of water, the faster you wanted to go the more he opened it), so of course I went 3 different times on full blast. It was actually kind of painful going that fast and you felt like you were going to fly off at any moment, but it was a rush. For the final portion of the day we went on a zip lining course through the jungle. At least three members of the Bayless clan are deathly afraid of heights and spent every non-zip lining moment clinging to trees as if the structure were to fall, we could just hug the tree till help came. It was definitely a blast though. For the last line, they gave everyone the option to hang upside down. Katy choose it ahead of me giving a face that looked like a mix of terror and pre-vomiting, so I’m not sure why I still choose to do it too. You can’t hold on to anything and it felt the entire time like I was slipping out of my harness. I’ve never felt more like I was going to die. It took me at least 10 min to recover my rational thought capabilities.
- So apparently, not all of us were used to Central American food. On the day of our sunset sailboat cruise both Katy and dad were out for the count, or in the bathroom for the count. So me and mom had to go it alone. For some reason the boat people thought having an open bar before going snorkeling was a crackerjack idea. Mom and I were hitting back some rum punches one minute and the next we were out swimming in the middle of the ocean. I’m shocked no one drowned. As we were preparing to disembark still alive if perhaps a bit tipsier, I met this woman who did Peace Corps in Africa and talked a little about how poor we are/were.
- Christmas Eve night, as per tradition, we watched It’s a Wonderful Life. Such a classic. Also kind of a tradition, does two times make a tradition?, we had a Secret Santa thing going the whole trip with a $10 limit. I sneakily got this backscratcher thing for dad that I saw him eying in a store. We exchanged on Christmas morning. Christmas night Katy and I got perhaps a bit too boozed up (not a holiday tradition, yet). At one point we went on a booze run down the street and literally ended up getting sidetracked and dancing on a rooftop bar.
The day after Christmas marked the sad end of our trip and I was forced to go face Costa Rica all by my lonesome once again. The trip back wasn’t as stressful though. Interestingly, as I was getting on the boat back to Nicaragua, a Costa Rican official was handing out pamphlets stating their side in the Rio San Juan territory debate to all the Nicas. I don’t think the Nicas were taking it well. The new big slogan here is Rio San Juan es 100% Nica! And Rio San Juan es Nuestro(ours)! We’ll have to see what happens with this conflict in the future. This is long enough as is, but next post I’ll bring you up to date on my Nicaraguan New Years and other January and early February goodies. Until then, stay warm.
